Life, Depression, Struggles, Lifes Struggles, Be slow to Judge, Wendy Mass, Be Kind, Strength, Support, Encourage


Have you heard the saying by Wendy Mass “be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”? In as much as we might have heard this saying as often as possible, doesn’t it still come as a surprise when you find yourself judging others?

Trust me I use to be guilty of this. I guess it’s safe to say I still am and seldom find myself judging strangers base on their appearance and approach.

What I think we forget to do as humans is snap back to reality when we find ourselves judging others. And when I say snap back to reality, I mean, being conscious of others and understand that everyone goes through rough times and struggles that test their resolve and equally, their faith. But we are quick to look at the person next to us who carries himself with grace and poise and think “Yes! he has a perfect life” or “Yes! they have things well put together”. What’s funny is; the way people appear to us in their vulnerable state is the same way we come across when we are at our lowest.

Another thing I find people do so effortlessly is judging others base on their inability to grasp things. Just because someone doesn’t work or learn at your own pace doesn’t make them slow or dumb. We are different so we learn differently. Instead of judging, learn to work at peoples pace or slow down if you think they aren’t catching up.

Likewise before you judge someone because they didn’t pick your call or return your message; or because they spoke rudely to you or gave you a cold shoulder; think about this: they might be going through a divorce or fighting depression, or the neighbour who spoke rudely might have just received a terrible health news and is struggling to come to terms with it. And do not forget, the colleague giving you a cold shoulder may have just lost a dear one and is dealing with the pain and hasn’t got the slightest clue on how to handle such situation- surprisingly didn’t even know their actions have offended you.

Therefore, before you go kicking someone in the butt, pause and think for a minute. Think about the fact that we all handle pain differently and chose who we let into our world in our most vulnerable state. The same applies to others. For instance, when you go through your stressing moment and cry behind closed doors,( the only place you quit the pretence, go bare and let it all out) you don’t come out with a puffed face, do you? (Hold on a minute while I answer that for you )No, you don’t. Rather you come out dolled up, ready to tackle the challenges of the day as a result, people get the impression that you’re well put together and life is so good to you.

So you see, we need to learn to view things from a different perspective or put ourselves “in other’s shoes’ as we probably are but in a slightly different way. This is because, as you can already tell, we all go through life’s pain.

What I’m trying to say in essence is this; rather than being quick to judge, learn to encourage and overlook the wrongs. I am learning that too. I’m taking baby steps to understand that although people might push me away when they get knocked out by life -because that’s probably the only way they know how to handle issues, I will be part of the few who’d come together to form a pillar of support and strength. I’m learning to be someone’s support, to hold hands rather than bash and turn away when snubbed by others, to work at peoples pace and not judge them for their inability to be as fast as I am. So rather than being a stumbling block by judging the next person, be their pillar of strength and support because we are all fighting a silent battle and in this together.



  1. Mallam
    March 24, 2018 / 5:12 pm

    Av been guilty n still guilty of this. I believe this lovely piece already has a positive effect on my person. Thanks

    • Nneka
      March 26, 2018 / 6:56 pm

      Awww I’m so happy to hear that.

  2. Joseph S Makanga
    March 24, 2018 / 6:00 pm

    Nice article!Have been reading a quote from some where that getting no message is also a message and am trying to think of this good article by Nneka and quote….

    • Nneka
      March 26, 2018 / 6:59 pm

      Thanks Joseph

  3. Funmilola Alabi
    March 25, 2018 / 4:33 pm

    Ummmm, true.

    • Nneka
      March 26, 2018 / 7:00 pm


  4. Ojedeji faith
    October 3, 2018 / 8:58 am

    I swear down…. it’s like you just helped in dissolving some of my worries, knowing that someone out there knows my thoughts and speaking for me. 🙌

    • Nneka
      October 4, 2018 / 1:59 pm

      Aww that’s so good to know Faith. I’m glad it helped.

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