Yayyyy Valentine is eventually here. February 14th. A day that holds so much and changed my life. That story is for another day.
So it’s valentines day tomorrow. I hope you were able to get your spouse or loved one a special gift from my list last week? It’s not late to check it out and get your last minute gift.

We all love Valentine, don’t we? The flowers, pink and red colours everywhere especially your tv screen, people celebrating, looking happy and bringing food to share. such a fun time.

Today being ‘valentines eve’- not sure if there is a word like that..anyway, I hope you are prepared for tomorrow. Personally, it will be a very long day for myself and a lot of others who have to hit the 5 pm traffic on the motorway just to get back and celebrate valentine. For others, Valentine’s day is the loneliest day of their lives as it is to them a reminder of what could have been or their inability to find someone. For another set of people and this is the painful bit, they aren’t single but it feels like they are because they long to be treated like a queen or a king on this special day but unfortunately, this is only a wish.

So for these categories of people, here are a few things I need you to bear in mind as you celebrate Valentine.

1. Don’t Stalk: I know you’re thinking, c’mon Nneka, this is one hell of a difficult task. I mean everyone will be posting pictures so refraining from stalking your ex is a dream.
Ok, I get it, if you can’t refrain from stalking, at least do yourself a favour by not comparing yourself to your ex’s lover.

And while It’s difficult to watch your ex show or express love to someone else other than you on social media, refrain from leaving salty or petty comments on their platforms.

2. Remember the theme of the Day-

You are already aware that Valentine is about celebrating love. (I am not saying there is or there should be a timeline as to when to express or show love) what I am saying is, since it is about expressing and showing love, what stops you from showing love to yourself? I know a lot of people especially the female gender struggle to treat and give themselves extra attention (You can imagine why). So why not use this opportunity to pamper and treat yourself. Read here to see a list of fun things to do on Valentine while single.

Lastly,
3. Enjoy Your Singlehood: Remember you won’t remain single forever. So while you are alone, treat yourself and be selfish to yourself because, when you eventually find the one, you will no longer worry about yourself alone but about ‘two people’.

‘Transition’ a word that keeps coming to mind and today being the last day of the year I reflect on the shifting’s and changes that I personally experienced this year and how those changes have brought about growth and newer challenge. Not to say these transitions were fun as I went through them, sometimes they came with unending tears and having no other hope but clinging to God and other times, making me appreciate the lessons in the change.

I believe transitioning occurs both spiritually and physically to bring about growth in one’s journey and experience, and a total dependability on God.

Transitioning could come in several forms such as; relocating to a new environment as such, saying goodbyes to friends or families; getting a new job, a new car, having a baby, getting married or starting new relationships- now you get the picture. These requires a lot of shifting and considering I have experienced so much transition in this year, I can boldly tell you transition doesn’t always feel good as I felt comfortable in my previous position and didn’t feel the need to reposition but growing up, my dad made me understand that for things to change, I first have to change. In essence, I have to, change my mind-set and attitude and not clinging to the old or usual occurrence, I must condition my mind to accept the new change in order for me to enjoy or see the blessing in it.

As you journey into 2019, I ‘NEED’ you to understand you most likely will experience changes- which could hit you over your head (in form of a surprise) or one you are prepared for. Whatever the case, do not settle for less, appreciate the change and as overwhelming as transitioning might be, do understand it is not the end of you, it is only shifting you to a position where you become stronger and wiser (I talk from experience) and in a better position to be of help and be closer to God.

As you transition in 2019, you might feel God is far away and no longer hears your prayer, you might even think he is so slow in responding to your needs but those are moments I want you to remember that he sticks closer than a brother  and is a very present help in times of trouble or uncertainties. In that moment, he is depending on you to trust solely on him- please do this no matter how excruciating the pain might feel. He will bring you out.

Happy New Year and have a wonderful 2019.

 

I realise there are infinite number of things or people we will compare ourselves with. The list is fathomless and  comparing yourself is a strong emotion that resonates with every individual regardless of age or race.

And even if you do not want to, you seldom find that you are drawn towards comparing or competing with someone else because that in itself is a strong human emotion and when you start comparing you find there is no end to it especially if you see your mates or people on social media (which by the way mostly depicts false impression)  doing something exciting and you are yet to achieve that, you are drawn to comparing.

You need to understand that comparing yourself only rubs you off your happiness- Your own happiness and your precious time. Rather than comparing, why not find something worthwhile to do in order to develop yourself.

Everyone has a different route they go through in life as well as different gifts. The fact that someone got there before you doesn’t make you a failure. You are only different and will get there eventually, you might just take a longer route and that’s ok.

Comparison also brings about resentment. You find yourself resenting the other person and the most silly thing is, this person is not aware of what’s going on in your world. They are busy making themselves better.

Also, comparison makes you channel your energy on the wrong thing because you focus on something else rather than working on yourself.  I know it can be frustrating when you hope to attain a certain level in life but are unable to because of one situation or another but find others achieving the same thing- I understand but remember I mentioned earlier, we all have different routes. Some people might get there before others but in the end, you will get there even if you take the longer route. It is ok, just keep pushing and work harder.

Another thing to remember is, no one gets a gold medal for owning the first house or getting married first or giving birth first so enjoy the process whilst you are trying to be the best version of yourself and do not let the spirit of comparison dwell in you because it brings about negative emotions and I believe you want to live  healthy lives.

This is an overdue request on the products I use on my hair. I thought you might benefit from it.

Life, Depression, Struggles, Lifes Struggles, Be slow to Judge, Wendy Mass, Be Kind, Strength, Support, Encourage

 

Have you heard the saying by Wendy Mass “be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”? In as much as we might have heard this saying as often as possible, doesn’t it still come as a surprise when you find yourself judging others?

Trust me I use to be guilty of this. I guess it’s safe to say I still am and seldom find myself judging strangers base on their appearance and approach.

What I think we forget to do as humans is snap back to reality when we find ourselves judging others. And when I say snap back to reality, I mean, being conscious of others and understand that everyone goes through rough times and struggles that test their resolve and equally, their faith. But we are quick to look at the person next to us who carries himself with grace and poise and think “Yes! he has a perfect life” or “Yes! they have things well put together”. What’s funny is; the way people appear to us in their vulnerable state is the same way we come across when we are at our lowest.

Another thing I find people do so effortlessly is judging others base on their inability to grasp things. Just because someone doesn’t work or learn at your own pace doesn’t make them slow or dumb. We are different so we learn differently. Instead of judging, learn to work at peoples pace or slow down if you think they aren’t catching up.

Likewise before you judge someone because they didn’t pick your call or return your message; or because they spoke rudely to you or gave you a cold shoulder; think about this: they might be going through a divorce or fighting depression, or the neighbour who spoke rudely might have just received a terrible health news and is struggling to come to terms with it. And do not forget, the colleague giving you a cold shoulder may have just lost a dear one and is dealing with the pain and hasn’t got the slightest clue on how to handle such situation- surprisingly didn’t even know their actions have offended you.

Therefore, before you go kicking someone in the butt, pause and think for a minute. Think about the fact that we all handle pain differently and chose who we let into our world in our most vulnerable state. The same applies to others. For instance, when you go through your stressing moment and cry behind closed doors,( the only place you quit the pretence, go bare and let it all out) you don’t come out with a puffed face, do you? (Hold on a minute while I answer that for you )No, you don’t. Rather you come out dolled up, ready to tackle the challenges of the day as a result, people get the impression that you’re well put together and life is so good to you.

So you see, we need to learn to view things from a different perspective or put ourselves “in other’s shoes’ as we probably are but in a slightly different way. This is because, as you can already tell, we all go through life’s pain.

What I’m trying to say in essence is this; rather than being quick to judge, learn to encourage and overlook the wrongs. I am learning that too. I’m taking baby steps to understand that although people might push me away when they get knocked out by life -because that’s probably the only way they know how to handle issues, I will be part of the few who’d come together to form a pillar of support and strength. I’m learning to be someone’s support, to hold hands rather than bash and turn away when snubbed by others, to work at peoples pace and not judge them for their inability to be as fast as I am. So rather than being a stumbling block by judging the next person, be their pillar of strength and support because we are all fighting a silent battle and in this together.

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